Someone's watching over you. Drifting in, Drifting out, Sometimes, you can feel her. She's right beside you. Her hand holds you still. Her kisses keep you grounded. She speaks, But quietly. She knows that you are strong. And you breath. It's hard. But you breath. And we all stand behind you. Holding you up, Lifting you onward, Loving you. And still, she's beside you. Laughing as she finally hears you say her name.
Sorry for the light blogging this week guys! I’ve had a busy, fun week – lots of studying, lots of working, lots of catching up with old friends, lots of visiting family. It was really nice! Except of course, after a “high” week, lows always seem to return. Today is a bit of a “blah” day, and this particular moment in my blah day is particularly – how shall I say it? – not fun at all. Made the mistake of reading the news. Bad, bad idea. Essentially, news and a blah day are never a good mix. Thus, this is a perfect time to publish a depressing blog post …
Sometimes, all I can see is what is wrong with the world.
And there is so. much. wrong. with the world.
I’ve had this post in the works for awhile, and today’s Daily Prompt (which asks, In your imaginary award acceptance speech (yes, we know you have one), who’s the very last — and most important — person you thank?) just proved to me that now might be the time to share it. If you haven’t figured it out yet, I was raised a Christian. I went to Church every Sunday. I prayed before meals. I thanked God for all His gifts every night. I was serious about my faith. But now, I am dating an atheist, and I couldn’t be happier. You see, my atheist boyfriend saved my life. And if I were to ever have a chance to give an acceptance speech, he is the last and most important person I would thank.
Grace shines in the sky, Promising spring from winter, Bare branches remain.
This week’s haiku/tanka prompt from Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie asks that “you carefully analyze an emotion within you, attribute a word to it and then let it out in the nature in the form of a haiku or tanka”. Reading through my past blog posts, I see a common theme of hope threading through my thoughts. Many times, I find that my hope is, in some ways, unrewarded. And while I do not think that hope is in any way a useless endeavour, sometimes things can still feel, well, … hopeless.
From a religious or spiritual perspective, the answer seems obvious.
From a scientific perspective, the answer also seems obvious.
However, those answers just happen to directly contradict each other.
So, which answer do I believe?
Sometimes it takes a random friend on Facebook in order for you to realize that you are capable of accomplishing your dreams. I haven’t spoken to this particular random friend in at least 5 years, and yet, she has still managed to inspire me.
Random friend was in my program in undergrad, when she unexpectedly fell pregnant. A shotgun marriage and adorable two year old later, and she finally managed to finish her degree. Fast forward a few years and two more kids, and now she’s moving across the country with her beautiful family to attend grad school.
How awesome is this lady?
Not my own serious illness. The serious illness of someone that I love.
He is one of the nicest men I have ever had the privilege to meet. And a few years ago, he was officially “diagnosed” with dementia. What kind of dementia? Who knows. He’s a relatively young guy. All the doctors know (or perhaps, all I’ve been told) is that his brain isn’t working the way it is supposed to anymore.
And aside from all of the sadness and fear that accompany a serious illness – sadness for what he’s lost, fear for what his future holds, sadness for his family members, his wife, his kids, his parents, his brothers and sisters, and his grand-babies, and even, yes, my own relationship with him that will never be the same – aside from all that, I’ve also felt something else. Something I never expected.
This week’s Daily Post Writing Challenge is to write a piece of poetry. I haven’t written poetry in awhile, so I’m afraid I’m quite rusty, but I hope you like it!
Breath in, breath out One foot steps in front of the other Each heartbeat echoes the one that came before Breath in, breath out Eyes close at night, Eyes open in the morning Breath in, breath out My day begins And, as ever, my day ends I have lived every moment before Experiences, Recycled, Relived, Reinvented ... They move me not And I wither Breath in, breath out And now my feet are still Rooted in place, with roots that grow deep They dig into the ground and keep me frozen in place Breath in, breath out My heart is racing faster My heartbeats are chasing each other Pulled forward by some undeniable attraction Breath in, breath out Eyes close and Little explosions of colour against a backdrop of darkness Eyes open and I am blind, but then the scene comes sharply into focus For the first time, I am awake.
He is a big man. His hair is matted. His eyes … they are wild. He shakes. Sometimes, he screams. He tries the door. It is locked; he flies into a rage. Dementia has transformed the man I love, but when I am there, he is happy … and so am I.
Written as part of this week’s Writing Challenge “Fifty”, where the task was to write a story in fifty words. I wanted to show how devastating dementia is, and yet how beautiful life can still be. Showing love, companionship, and solidarity to those who are most vulnerable, especially people with mental illnesses and brain diseases, is so important. Please, reach out to them, fight for them, and be there for them. Love them, no matter how their disease manifests itself. And of course, if you are their caregiver, take care of your own mental and physical health. Don’t be afraid to reach out, you need help too!
Every blog needs a first post, and so I have to write this one, even though I am not quite sure how to begin.
Beginnings can be weird, finicky, and annoying. Whenever I try to write something, beginning is always the hardest thing to do. Writing the end is always the part I look forward to.
But I find that life is strangely the opposite … beginnings are typically exciting and happy, while endings can be depressing and traumatic.
It’s just one of those paradoxes, I guess.
In any case, this is simply my own little corner of the internet where I can anonymously write down my thoughts. If you’re reading, welcome. If you want to stick around, awesome! If you’re just passing by, I hope your day has been wonderful so far.
Possibly, though, you’ve had a day like mine. Where, even though the sun is shining (and spring has finally arrived!), you just found it difficult to get through the day. I’ve been feeling like that a lot lately. Life just feels like I’m walking through a gross, cobwebby room filled with filtered sunlight and musty-smelling carpet.
If you can relate to that, then I know how you feel, and I’m sending you a virtual hug.
I guess that’s why I’m writing this blog.
So, hello, world. I hope you stop smelling musty soon.